…By becoming aware of our highest values, you mobilize our deepest power, our intrinsic inspiration, our vitality and our energy, and focus!
Dr John Demartini
Getting clear about what is most important to you – your purpose, your values, your reasons for being – can create the life you always dreamed of.
I discovered the ‘value of values’ through some major trials and tribulations in my life.
My most recent story of a crisis in clarity of my values was when I became a new Mom after a very successful 15-year career in the health and fitness industry in New York City. I loved being a successful New York City girl! I was one of those women who was convinced that I should be in one of the episodes of Sex in the City, just for fun. I had the New York “dreamy” life – I ate at fabulous restaurants, great clothes, took amazing runs in Central Park, was part of a growing industry that was all about being optimally healthy and I met and married a man of my dreams. It was amazing!
My highest values at that time focused on growing and developing myself in a new exciting industry – health and fitness – and more importantly, about being in an amazing partnership with a beautiful man.
But then it all changed. My beautiful man and I had children and he wanted to move us from New York City to his country of origin (New Zealand). I was a young Mom who had three babies in four years. To say I was a little out of sorts was an understatement. YIKES, did the vista of life change! Especially when the only thing in common with New York and New Zealand is the word NEW!
I was honestly a total spoiled brat about leaving my beloved NYC and it was hard on the whole family and ME. I have no excuses for my incredible entitled behaviour at this time and I can only say that I had to go through it to get to where I am now as a transformed soul in the making!
I had no idea at the time that the whole experience was an invitation and opportunity to reinvent myself, to discover what was really important to me, and to support what was important to my husband and family.
I did know that my life had become centred on being the best MOM I could be but I was also present to wanting to do something that contributed to the world on a higher level as well. However, given that so many things in my life had dramatically changed – country, goals, purpose – I was “foggy” and unsure about HOW to contribute at this greater level. And honestly my WHY – my highest purpose and even a presence of ME – seemed to also get very hazy through all of the sleep deprivation, the entitlement and the sense of just being lost. I leaned towards (embarrassing to admit) filling myself with immediate gratification. I filled my voids with shopping and Mommy gatherings, which was basically an excuse to have a few glasses of wine and check out.
On top of it all, I was someone whose first participation in the transformation and spiritual movements was at 18 years old. I had spent over 1000 hours plus in the personal development space, gained a psychology degree, and I thought I knew the right things to do to stay healthy in my mind, soul and body. I drank green smoothies, exercised, did Yoga BUT had no real presence of my Purpose or my sense of Soul. I was confused about how my past would meet my present and how to create my future.
I stayed somewhat confused ALL the while parenting in those early years in a different country. It wasn’t until 4 years ago that I even realized that I had been checked out. Being a Mom was incredible but I was left with a lot of “have-to’s” around Motherhood, rather than feeling empowered to create Motherhood in a way that resonated with me. As Jennifer Senior said in her famous TED Talk, “the parenting section of the bookstore is overwhelming – it’s a giant, candy-colored monument to our collective panic”. She so eloquently tied in that the increase of the parenting self-help books has no direct correlation to the happiness levels of parents. These types of insights made it OK for me not to like baking and honestly you need to strap me down to a chair to stay engaged in the arts and crafts time. I love Martha Stewart but man did she raise some bars that are just not realistic.
Again, It wasn’t until about four years ago that I got really clear about what was important to me. I discovered that I could create my role as a Mother in a way that was true and unique to my essence. This was all from beginning to understand my Value system, which is as unique as our individual DNA structures. I realized I had freedom to become the kind of parent that contributed at the highest level to my beautiful children. Most of all, I discovered that if we are not living in alignment to our Purposes, how can we expect our children to discover and live from theirs? Which is ALL we want for them anyway right?
Because of this personal journey I am passionate about VALUES and clarity of purpose and this is fundamental to my coaching practice. It was through this process that I identified my highest value of transformation and became a Life Coach a few years ago. I also could see how important health and beauty (inside and out) are to me and which explained why I have always been so passionate about the health and fitness industry.
It is also important to know that we can never get to attached to our values. I have had a major shift in my values recently. I discovered newly that being fully PRESENT to the profound love I have for my husband and children is what truly makes my heart sing and expressing that LOVE is my true purposeon the planet and guides my existence at the highest level.
Getting clear about our values and our guiding principles is our access to our inner and outer universes. Discovering our values, and then living in alignment to them, sets the background for our full self-expression and access to joy. Potentially, any struggles that exist in our lives can be sourced back to a lack of clarity around exactly what our values are.
This is my favorite quote on the power of getting clear about our values:
In inventing an enterprise for our lives—one built on the foundation of our created values—our vision and goals begin to emerge and flourish, to invite a plan of action. They interact with each other, augment each other, accelerate each other, and become a platform for knowing ourselves powerfully, for making the unique difference we are out to make—for being nobody but ourselves.
Steve Zaffron – Author of Three Laws of Performance
Are you clear about what’s important to you? What’s your highest value? I’d love for you to share below.