Let me start by saying that I have been quiet on all of my channels of communication. Generally, I have just wanted to be quiet everywhere, all the time. I have been in prayer, processing and peacefully protesting over the last 3 weeks. I have not wanted to communicate without feeling, listening, and learning, and more than any thing not spiritually bypassing the pain that needs to be felt and the lessons that need to be learned from this pivotal time in history.
Let me start with the obvious. I am a white girl of privilege and have had to slam into the realization that I have not truly gotten what in spiritual communities is called UNITY and what it really means. I know this because I have come to realize that I have dealt with UNITY as a spiritual concept in my head vs really being it in my daily actions. I know this because of what has showed up like the “darkest night of our Societal Souls” in these last weeks in the United States.
To walk around thinking that I have not been racist or they are not talking about me is the most massive spiritually bypassing conversation I could be in. WHY? Because what is showing up on the outside is ALWAYS the reflection of what is happening on the inside. So what has been occurring is the wakeup call to where I have not owned my own racism. I had not gotten it until now!
If any of us are walking around in observance of what is happening from our heads vs really feeling what is happening in the Collective Cry in our hearts, I invite us to all continue to turn inward.
I have realized that I am not separate from what is occurring because of how Spiritual I think I am or how much work on myself I have doing. Those type of reactive thoughts are ALL part of avoiding and resisting and worse using spirituality (and spiritual talk) as some kind of coping mechanism and illusionary veil to avoid feeling the collective pain.
I am facing my own racism by confronting that doing nothing and saying nothing over my lifetime is also racism. I have been confronting that not only did I enter what we might refer to as the Spiritual Community and/or transformational communities as a white girl of privilege, I never really did the work to get what UNITY fully means in action, here, on the ground, in life and living! I got it as a kind of spiritual concept NOT here on the ground! I would invite the spiritual, transformational and self-help communities to face the same thing.
Let me be clear that none of this realization or admission makes me any less responsible and it is not some sort of confession to which I am hoping for forgiveness from or something similar. That would be getting me off the proverbial hook.
IT IS A WHAT’s SO. IT IS WHAT HAS BEEN SO UNTIL THIS MOMENT IN TIME & IS NOT ABOUT ASKING FOR ANYTHING BECAUSE MORE IMPORTANTLY IT IS NOT ABOUT MY NEEDS AT ALL!!!
These last few weeks have been a hit to the gut and all that I have constructed as both the human being I am and here to be and as the Soul that chose to be here for exactly this time, during exactly these circumstances.
I have been disgusted and wept at times for a man I did not know – George Floyd who did not deserve to die in any matter let alone die the way he did because he was black. I could list ALL of the tragedies and atrocities of our recent times yet it would take ALL of the rest of this piece so I will keep it to my experience and what I can add my energy to.
Personally, my human escape hatch has always been to sleep— one of my favorite songwriters and singers, Ingrid Michelson, has a line in one of my favorite songs— “I want to change the world, but instead I sleep”… Sleep has been a healing friend that has gotten me through many trials and tribulations as a child and young adult. And YES i have had to reveal and go to work on lots of wounding as that is part of being human and having a human experience.
AND that all being expressed— I have never experienced what the Black population has experienced in this country. I never have experienced what I saw in Capetown South Africa or in other countries where Black people are so marginalized that they live in communities with tin roofs and no plumbing and provide all of the labor for the privileged whites …. And this is post apartheid and post Mandela’s prophetic leadership.
What is happening and has happened for years here in my country of origin and in other countries is not OK and has sent me to my knees in recognition of never REALLY doing a damn thing about it!
This time in history has confronted every part of “sleepiness” as I speak being and stand for AWAKENING – in fact what I really do in the world is Guide women to Awaken — YET I have been asleep – I have been behind a massively white privileged veil.
As I have felt, read and watched and heard over these weeks, I have no words, I am left speechless, and for heaven sakes there are no words of proverbial Spiritually filled “tips or strategies” to get through this time…. I have wanted to vomit, cry and just remain in prayer.
ALL that I have been able to sit with, be with, be here and FEEL is a collective scream that needs to be felt and heard—
INSIDE OF THAT COLLECTIVE SCREAM I HAVE FOUND A STAND, A PLACE TO COME FROM BASED IN HONORING MY WORD AS A HUMAN BEING OF COMPASSION WHO WANTS TO STAND IN TOTAL AND COMPLETE UNITY & SOLIDARITY WITH MY BLACK BROTHERS AND SISTERS. MY STAND I AM SHOWING UP NOW AND AM DOING THE WORK OF MY DIVINE ASSIGNMENT WHICH IS TO GUIDE WOMEN INTO FULLY AWAKENING (EVEN WHEN I WANT TO SLEEP TO AVOID THE PAIN!) I AM “SHUTTING UP” & LISTENING- LISTENING- LISTENING & LEARNING- LEARNING- LEARNING… ASKING ASKING ASKING!!! I AM ALWAYS AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD REAL TRANSFORMATION TAKES SITTING IN THE HOT FIRE OF STILLNESS & BEING WITH “WHAT IS SO” — RACISM IS PERVASIVE AND MUST END EVERYWHERE FROM THE UNITED STATES TO SOUTH AFRICA TO AUSTRALIA TO INDIA … EVERYWHERE! I AM THE STAND AND IN INSPIRED ACTION OVER THIS— RACISM HAS ENDED! I AM THE STAND THAT I AM UNITY AND WILL FEEL, LISTEN AND LEARN WHAT IS NECESSARY TO EMBODY IT FULLY! ANY CHANGE, TRANSFORMATION OR TRANSMUTATION STARTS WITH ME (ALWAYS!)
I AM SHOWING UP NOW AND AM DOING THE WORK OF MY DIVINE ASSIGNMENT
WHICH IS TO GUIDE WOMEN INTO FULLY AWAKENING
(EVEN WHEN I WANT TO SLEEP TO AVOID THE PAIN!)
I AM “SHUTTING UP” & LISTENING- LISTENING- LISTENING & LEARNING- LEARNING-
LEARNING… ASKING ASKING ASKING!!!
I AM ALWAYS AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD
REAL TRANSFORMATION TAKES SITTING IN THE HOT FIRE OF STILLNESS & BEING
WITH “WHAT IS SO” —
RACISM IS PERVASIVE AND MUST END EVERYWHERE FROM THE UNITED STATES TO
SOUTH AFRICA TO AUSTRALIA TO INDIA … EVERYWHERE!
I AM THE STAND AND IN INSPIRED ACTION OVER THIS— RACISM HAS ENDED!
I AM THE STAND THAT I AM UNITY AND WILL FEEL, LISTEN AND LEARN WHAT IS
NECESSARY TO EMBODY IT FULLY!
ANY CHANGE, TRANSFORMATION OR TRANSMUTATION STARTS WITH ME (ALWAYS!)