For so many years, I never trusted what I saw, felt, or transmitted.
Ever since I was little I’ve embodied a gift or skill that I never fully trusted. The gift, an extra sensory ability, allows me to feel whether people are basically full of sh*t (living a life that is not true for them) or not. From a young age I could tell if someone was living a life they’d joyfully created or miserably hating the life they had resigned themselves to. But my gift didn’t just end at recognizing others’ feelings; it also allowed me to literally see someone’s higher self hovering around them, patiently waiting (and eagerly wanting) to get in. I have always been able to feel someone’s “best self” — the self that is perfectly imperfect; the self that has a reason for being here on this planet, a calling greater than just ourselves.
That gift, however, was often shut down by my own inner critic. The loud voice in my head always told me I wasn’t smart enough, from the right background (lots of programming from my parents around someone’s background…where they were from… “blue blood” or whatever…blah blah blah!), or if I had any right to communicate what I was feeling to be true. I was scared to be wrong, different, a “woo woo weirdo”, but by not owning me, it turned out that I struggled much more from not fully owning myself than I actually did from other people’s opinions of me and my special skill. Yet I am and was not alone as struggling with who we really are and a lack of ownership of our power, our voice, ourselves as a whole is a common theme these days, especially amongst women.
Seeking Minds Suffer Alike
Even when we think of the people who dedicated their lives to discovering the ultimate answers and/or TRUTH behind our very existence: Newton, Einstein, Hawkings. These scientists weren’t necessarily the happiest people on the planet. Brilliant? Yes! Happy? …Not so much! Each man had their issues and versions of personal suffering: some had divorce, others abandonment & rejection — and those are only SOME of the human experiences we have heard from stories we know about them.
In other words, finding truth the historically “right” way, rooted in science, wasn’t even adequate enough to create joy for some of the most celebrated minds in history. We learned from the scientists’ very human suffering that finding the truth certainly doesn’t guarantee happiness or fulfillment.
Many of us searchers and intuitors have never spoken out about what we know to be true because we are not scientists. But now Modern Day Science (specifically Quantum Physics) is encouraging all of us brave journey men and women to open up, speak up. The Laws of Quantum Physics say that the truth seeker actually influences what she/he is observing; so truth TRULY does lie in the eyes of the beholder.
When a 3-year-old princess struts around her kingdom of stuffed animals does she seek proof from anyone that her reality in that moment is REAL? Of course not. The reality she has created in her imagination is accepted and hopefully, through good parenting, cultivated. We encourage children to imagine, feel and create all of what they dream. And, according to Laws of Quantum Physics, children truly DO see what they are imagining — all because their minds are powerfully influencing reality! Yet, we don’t give ourselves the same allowance to play and create in adulthood. We cut off our imagination because we believe we must stop trusting our dreams, imaginations and expression of them. By cutting off this playful, imaginative nature of our dreams though, we also cut off our access to the higher power — all so we can be “normal” and ground ourselves in “reality”.
Even though I knew the gift I was born with was unique, it also made me feel incredibly different from everyone. My inner critic took that sense of separation and morphed it to mean that something was very wrong with me. This voice told me everyday that seeing or feeling anything other than what was physically, tactically right in front of me was both impossible and WRONG. So, I listened to that voice. I felt like everything about me was just off and WRONG. I have since learned and studied that this ability to feel WRONG even within ourselves is a way of dealing with our power that we as women seem to develop as a coping mechanism. Don’t be too bright, too big, too much… we as young girls learn to dim rather than being taught to be all of who we are and shining our lights from our gifts and purposes!
So my story is about the 30-35 year journey that I was at war with myself and the reality that so many others seemed to argue was “true” vs what I could feel as true. I was in a constant inner battle between my inner critic, my gift and sometimes the world. I enrolled in countless classes, seminars, and neuroscience based workshops to find a bridge between the world I experienced and the 3D world. I was desperate to find some explanation, training or forum that would potentially offer a Newtonian, science-based answer to my gift, that would inevitably help me explain it to others. I wanted a to way to explain to people that there were other dimensions available. Perhaps the biggest issue was that I just wasn’t enough to stand in my own certainty and probably craved approval from the 3D- Newtonian world that people just seemed so willing to accept and live in?
Through constantly feeling like I had to prove myself, I struggled a lot. After all, it’s impossible to not struggle unless you are living who you REALLY are- your authentic self. I would walk into a party and instantly “see” people’s massive incongruence with themselves and yet I had to admit at some point that I was also being incongruent with MYSELF by not fully expressing my gift. I felt bifurcated as a human being. Sound familiar?
I had to make a choice. A big one. I believe that we all eventually have to make this kind of choice. One day the pain from trying to be something you are not hits you and it’s just too much. “THAT’s ENOUGH”! You think and might even say. In that moment you are given the chance to decide for yourself: will you live the awakened, authentic life and align your external world with who you REALLY are internally, or choose the other option is to live the unconscious life that fits the picture in our heads that was not created by us but rather, more likely than not, created by external forces and more likely created by the people to whom we have given our power over to. More sadly, by giving up our power by not trusting ourselves, we give over our lives. Instead of living a fulfilling life we have created ourselves, we instead fall into living the life and dreams of our parents, our community, or try and conform to our peer group who have come to kind of some kind of silent agreement around what a fulfilled life looks like.
Which brings me to Oprah.
“We all come called and our real job in life is to figure out as soon as possible what that is, who you we were meant to be, and to begin to honor that in the best way possible for ourselves.” -Oprah
Nothing could be more true. The biggest regrets that people are purported to express when close to death is, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
So, how do you live a life that is true to you?
TRUST YOURSELF & CONNECT TO A CALLING. Create a life by design which aligns with your authentic self — embrace your unique gift that we all come to this planet with and you know you have AND MOST IMPORTANTLY… TRUST IT, NOW!. You might get it wrong at first but the Universe responds to the energy you are putting into seeking the authentic path. Don’t wait over 30 years to trust and express all of who you are. Most importantly, the scaffolding of the authentic path is getting clear about why you are here, your divinely inspired Purpose; only then do you truly have the strong framework to stand for yourself reflecting that you are a true being of light; a powerful, unmessable with force in the world.
I have known about my skill ever since I was a little girl; the only regret I have is that I wasted years not trusting what I knew to be true. We are living at a time for women where it is no longer a nice idea to love our truths and learn how to trust ourselves. We are living at a time where our voices must be heard and the first place to start listening and trusting that voice is within ourselves.
My decades-long lack of ownership, lack of trust and therefore struggle I experienced has now become my Purpose and clearly part of my CALLING. I am on a mission to empower women to own who they are, to trust and connect to the Divine (however they refer to it: Source, Higher Power, God, the Universe…) and to live their true Purposes that are informed by the higher dimensions. After all, our CALLINGS are our only CURRENCY and when connected to them we are the unstoppable force that no one can mess with..no one!