Consciously De-Friending

Beautiful … here’s a newsflash!

You are allowed to “fire” friends and family responsibly. You are allowed to move on from relationships that don’t serve your highest self and/or honor your becoming. You are allowed to Consciously De-friend. That includes moving on from any and all relationships with friends, family and lovers that aren’t part of your waking up, growing up, showing up and linking up (to the Divine).

The very nature of the Universe is growth and expansion, so why do we think that we won’t outgrow or out-expand some of our relationships?

Here is the irony. You are not just moving on from relationships because they don’t serve YOU. They actually don’t serve the other person either.

When you grow, change, transform and expand, you raise your frequency and you begin to emit higher and higher levels of energy. You might begin to feel that something is ‘off’, or feel some tension or hopelessness in relationships that were formed based on the frequency levels you were emitting at that time. You might even find yourself snapping back into who you were in the past to ‘fit into’ that relationship, rather than living as who you are creating at the new frequency. 

We don’t always understand that part of our expansion and growth can include letting go of that which is based in the past – and that might include some of our relationships. 

This doesn’t give us permission to dump, leave and/or run, but what it does give us permission to take a look at who we are entangled with and assess if the entanglement is healthy, productive, nurturing and honors each other’s becoming. 

By entanglement, I’m talking in terms of quantum physics. In quantum physics, entangled particles remain connected, even when separated by great distances – so that when an action is performed on one part, it still affects the other part. The phenomenon so riled Albert Einstein he called it “spooky action at a distance.” You can basically tinker with a split atom in one part of the world and the other part is affected, no matter the distance between them.

In other words, who we have in our lives matters.

We are part of the field where we are entangled with others. More and more, I can tune into my Sacred Sisters and feel what they are feeling and what they are going through. On so many occasions, I have reached out to them with a text to verify what I have been feeling in “the field” and inevitably they respond with a “yes, I was going through something and feeling that.”

Another common misconception is people say that you should keep your relationships, and maintain your friendships. Here’s what is inherently misleading about that belief – you actually never leave a relationship. In the relational field, who you have had in your experience, in your field, have been imprinted forever. There is no delete button or block button in the field of the Universe. The people who you’ve had an energy exchange with in your life will be in your life forever.  

There is also the societal misconception where we are told we should only let go of people who have done something wrong to us. We think we have to wait until someone does something bad, or violates the friendship and/or they do something to hurt us to justify our choice to move on. However, everything is made up of energy, including all matter, us and even our thoughts. When we put out a thought – that this relationship has had its expiry date – we are emitting an energy. As like attracts like, that energy means that you will create a conflict in that relationship – to justify moving on.

I have moved on from several of my Sisterships over the years.

In fact, I just recently had an experience where I knew I had outgrown one of my Sisterships. This particular one was a very deep one – I felt like she literally kept me alive during a potential break-up of my marriage a few years ago. I would call her in hysterics and utter hopelessness and her “space holding” was a haven for my terror and frustration. 

I continue to bless her and pay homage to her for who she was, is and how much she was there for me, but here’s the thing – two years later, I am very different, my marriage is spectacular after it’s very dark night of the Soul, and I am not the same girl emitting the same frequency anymore. The Sistership we had, had a certain energy and a frequency where she was almost the teacher, supporter, coach, stronger one. That dynamic, however, is no longer needed in the space. Unfortunately, after many attempts at re-calibrating or re-setting our vibrational match, there seemed to be no ability for our dynamics to shift into new possibilities of relating, which is somewhat sad, but is also the nature of the Universe.

As I have said, we are meant to change, to expand, to grow.

There are many psychological methodologies that you can apply to why you should stay in a low frequency relationship, but those methodologies are based in dealing with yourself as a “label”. 

If you know anything about attachment theory, you might know whether you have a secure, anxious and avoidant attachment style. A therapist trained in attachment theory might question whether you want to end a friendship because you are an avoidant and want to run from conflict, or potentially investigate if you have an anxious attachment style and are unable to handle intimacy.

Maybe you have clarified your type in the different personality typing systems that are available. Within the Enneagram System (which is a very powerful personality system and something I teach), you might question whether letting go of a relationship is part of the lower parts of the expression of your type. 

Potentially, you have read Steven Kessler’s work on the 5- Personality Patterns, and you might question whether you are a Leaver, or an Aggressor.  

Bottom line, these methodologies are based in dealing with yourself as a label with properties and as solid matter.

They do not take into account the ever-changing wave of energy full of possibility.

I am here to tell you that as an anxious attachment labeled journey woman, I have had to work on my anxiety, and my many personality based patterns. Like me, you might have spent years trying to change or fix the label given to you by a psychiatrist or therapist. But, like me, you might still feel something is off in a relationship. You feel it in your body (which is where our energy lies). That energy can act as a barometer, or thermometer. You can process the heck out of yourself in your head, but your body does not lie, and if you feel something off in your body, that will never go away. As an Intuitive Soul Guide, my work with women is about empowering them to the point where they trust that!

A quote I love is that “your body always tells the truth!”

It’s essential that you don’t just dump and run, like I have said. You can love and bless whoever is in your life, while still cutting ties energetically and verbally, if that is what is truly authentic and in honor of who you have become. The process of Consciously De-Friending starts with really feeling into, and then looking authentically at, the friendships that are, and are not, actively supportive of who you have become. As part of this process, I absolutely recommend doing lots of the inner work to investigate if you are indeed running from, or avoiding something, in a relationship.

It is crucial to always communicate responsibly to the person around what is there for you, and when you know that a relationship has had its full season in your life, you are allowed to let them go with love. 

Fear is always part of a breaking-up process, but it’s really fear of the unknown that can paralyze us, and not fear of what others might think. 

De-friending is a Conscious act done with love, care and a belief that the truth is the truth because it always works for all parties involved. 

Know that when you let go of someone consciously, with love, that the Universe will provide you with someone who is an equivalent match to your energy and vibration; a new empowered relationship to honor your becoming will flow in like a gentle summer wind.

You might be left asking, how do I Consciously De-Friend? Here are a list of questions to ask yourself first:

1- Who in my life truly honors my becoming? 

2- Who in my life do I honor in their becoming ?

3- What is my biggest fear (if any) about letting go of a relationship that has ended its season?

4- Does it truly serve both of us and our frequencies to let go?

5- How can I consciously communicate in the most loving way that it is time for us to move on?

*Please note that Consciously de-Friending is not something you ever do in a text messaging… never, ever! Conscious de-friending requires conscious communication. If you want to be living a high vibrational life, then you have to have the courage to communicate eye to eye with heartfelt love and appreciation for what you have given one another! The only caveat here is if there has been any abusive behavior or abusive communication, especially via text towards you. If that is the case, then just letting go energetically and sending love and light into the field to that person is the best solution!